One of the more well-known—or more notorious—forums on Reddit is called Big Dick Problems. I myself am not a regular participant on this “sub” (as Reddit forums are typically called); however, I do read it on occasion, and I have made a comment or two in the past. But the format, at least in theory, is exactly as it sounds: it’s a place where both men and women can discuss the challenges of dealing with a big dick. These discussions are typically frank, but they’re not pornographic. The goal (again, at least in theory) is to provide a “safe space” for advice and input. Needless to say, there are also an abundance of “shitposts” on Big Dick Problems, but the sub’s success stems from its unique location in the world of sexual health.
In any case, one of the most popular topics on Big Dick Problems is handling pain or discomfort during intercourse. For example, one recent poster put the matter like this:
I’m a virgin and seeing a guy who has a 5.75 - 6 inch girth. When we attempted sex I felt the sharpest pain. He was able to squeeze the tip in but the rest of the penis was too firm to get in. And it felt like a sharp stretching pain. Not as I expected. I was wet and aroused and already came from oral so that wasn’t the issue.
He says he’s slept with a fair number of women and says hasn’t struggled to penetrate except for 1 or 2 others. Does this just mean that we’re incompatible for PIV [penis-in-vagina] sex?
This post received a number of responses. A few people suggested that the OP (“original poster”) is tense and needs to relax, maybe with “a small glass of wine.” Another advised that “more foreplay” and “more lube” is needed. Unfortunately, the OP later replied that this sort of advice didn’t help and that their latest sexual encounter “was agony.” She concluded that she is “just very tight for some reason.”
As I mentioned in my last post on this Substack, these sorts of problems are legitimate. I have experienced them myself, and, one way or another, they have impacted every sexual relationship that I’ve had. I’ll go into more details in due course, but, since it’s on my mind, I want to share what my wife Amber and I have found to be single best way of managing pain during sex. Before I explain, it’s worth recalling that my penis is extremely long. Yes, I’m girthy (6.5” at the base of my penis, tapering to 5.75” mid-shaft and then expanding to 6” or a bit larger at my circumcised glans), but my length is what usually gets noticed first. If I press down into my pubic bone, my penis looks almost cartoonishly long, and, in fact, it is a truly rare 8.5”+ in length. So, apart from doggy style, where my girth presents a major problem (another topic to return to), my length tends to cause the most pain during sex. The main culprit is cervical bruising. If I thrust with much force, I’m likely to hit my partner’s cervix. If this happens enough times, or if I’m angled in a certain way, it can leave a deep bruise.
In the past, Amber has experienced cervical bruising as an approximation of mild-to-severe lower back pain. When this happens, she has difficulty standing up straight and needs regular doses of NSAIDs in order to work, exercise, etc. In one extreme case, she even required an entire day of bedrest before she could get back on her feet. This particular occurrence was so painful that she decided to visit an OBGYN. She was given a thorough examination, and everything checked out fine. The problem was, in point of fact, my big dick. She and the OBGYN discussed the issue, and the doctor basically gave the advice you often find on Big Dick Problems: “more foreplay, more lube.” But this just didn’t do it for us. After all, Amber gets incredibly wet on her own, and, aside from doggy style, the issue has not been getting my penis inside of her. After a few “taps” on her vulva and the gentle insertion of just my glans, she’s usually very well lubricated and ready for fuller penetration. But this is just the beginning. The real problem is how to manage the depth of my penetration.
Admittedly, this difficulty can be managed in a variety of ways. We found some success with her on top—especially in the “cowgirl” position—though it had its share of limitations. Amber’s knees would get tired after several minutes, and, unless I was perfectly still (effectively reduced to being a breathing dildo), she could still get bruised. With this in mind, some have recommended the Ohnut, which is a “modular ring” contraption that limits penetrative depth. But the Ohnut, however useful, is also quite expensive. Nevertheless, the Ohnut did give us an idea, and, after years of practice, we think we’ve found the best possible solution to this issue—her hands. Or maybe we should call it “the dual PIV-handjob maneuver.” Is that catchy enough?!
Here’s how it works. Once I have inserted about 3-4” of my penis into her vagina, Amber grabs the base of my cock with one or two hands. If it’s two hands, this is a sign that she wants me to thrust—something I can now do, since her hands are effectively keeping my dick from going much farther inside of her. If it’s just one hand, I can thrust with some reserve, though it’s not really necessary, as she will “jerk off” the exposed part of my penis with her one hand. This is why I say it’s a “dual PIV-handjob maneuver,” because both coitus and a handjob are happening at the same time. Not only does it feel great, but it’s sexy too. I wish Amber would say more during sex—she sighs and moans but rarely screams or talks—but I feel certain about this: when she’s jerking hard on my exposed penis, knowing that I’m penetrating her at the same time, I can tell by the enthusiasm of her motions that she’s turned on by my cock. And, after so much trouble over the years, that’s a good feeling! As she put it one time: “If I told my girlfriends that we have to do this, they’d never believe me. Who has heard of such a thing?”
This last comment can be backed up. There is a popular app called Sex Keeper, and you can use it to log sexual activity, including positions used, ranging from standard to “exotic.” And yet, if you visit Sex Keeper’s fairly extensive database of sexual positions, you will look in vain for something like the “DPIVHJM.” Truth is, this is a rare solution to a rare problem, and there is no real need to add a “dual PIV-handjob maneuver” to the Sex Keeper app. Still, perhaps someone will read this post, and perhaps a select number of couples will start using it. And perhaps one day Sex Keeper will add it to their menu, and they will call it “The Brock Landers.”
Till next time…
Appreciate how mazter-of-fact you are.
Thanks for sharing.